Secrets from the Heart...

Its been ages

Wed, 05 Dec 2012 04:07:40 -0500

I was happy. Or so I thought…

I read my last few entries and I realized I was not happy at all. I wasn’t then and I definitely am not now.

I got the commitment I was after from a gorgeous gorgeous 32 year old guy who literally took my breath away every time I saw him. I was excited to see him. He made me smile every time I saw him and made me laugh every time we spoke. He told me he loved me. I didn’t say it back. The guy is crazy about me. Why didn’t I say it back? Well because his actions failed to match his words.

He said “I love you” and withdrew. Yup. I am in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable guy. Why? Because I didn’t want to be alone.

Do I miss him? Every day. Is it logic? No. Is it love? Maybe. I know its not lust because it would have ended months ago. So why is it that Mr Unavailable consumes my thoughts night and day? Why does he make me want to be a better person? Why does he make me want to live my life and my dreams? It has to be something which makes me want to quit life and run into the sunset with him. He loves living life and I think I love him for living life. I just want to be included in it to *sigh.*

I spent so many months writing an ode to my ex boyfriend who’s name I will not say. In the end of it all, we did share something which neither of us could control. I saw him over the weekend and he failed to acknowledge my existence to impress some fluzy who wore way too much make up for anyone’s liking, and even then, it did nothing for her. I was embarrassed with him.

It got me thinking: what am I doing with my life? I spent months getting over him. I am not spending months getting over Mr Unavailable. Maybe he isn’t the guy for me? Maybe he is. I know that Mr. Unavailable is a man. He completes my life every time I see him and it is horrible that we are apart. I miss him every day and I hope one day, I will have the strength to break down this wall and my guards and have him fall in love with the girl he fell for months ago.

Friend or Foe??

Wed, 20 Jun 2012 16:09:00 -0400

Recently I posted about a friend and how she was definitely not real or there for me in a time when I truly needed her to be. Instead, she played victim to a situation and relationship which really had nothing to do with her.

Flashback to Summer 2010 when I was in the stages of rekindling a romance with a former bf (this story really has no relevance as I am no longer WITH that guy but it has significance, I promise!). Around about the same time, she decided she was madly “in love” with a guy who she had known for maybe 5 days. Long story short, Las Vegas, one night stand, she fell in “love,” he got what he wanted. He then lied to her about having a Facebook account when I in actuality stumbled across it (I don’t remember how) but when I told her about it, complete DENIAL. “So, whats your point” she asked me with the MEANEST look in her eyes and the dirtiest glare, as if I had fucked her boyfriend and was laughing at it or something. I was ready to deal with the consequences of this truth. I even had evidence of it. Point being, she didn’t listen and I didn’t care. In contrast with my situation, she tells me some news and cried wolf because she got caught lying, yet failed to present me with any sort of evidence.

This brings me to the next point: being the centre of attention. At least admit it if you do. Don’t be the “oh I hate attention” but secretly love it. Or, “I hate drama I do everything to avoid it” but secretly laugh at people when their lives fail.

But what makes an attention whore? I think it has to do with jealousy which is a disgusting emotion. I myself found myself having a very envious attitude towards this friend for no reason at all. I enjoy my life. I like what I am doing and I like how I feel, so why am I jealous of a two-faced bitch? I then realized, its probably NOT jealousy, but rather, resentment. Resentment at the fact that her life from the outside seems pretty fine and dandy, and from the outside, mine does too. But I don’t really know what it is like on the inside. In a way, I hate her for ruining things with my ex. Not a day goes by where I don’t think if she didn’t start drama, would we have got back together?? He said probably, but then he said no, but then he said yes. I don’t know. At this point, do I care? Somewhat, yes I do. Is this a friend? Nope. At the end of a breakup, I lost a part of myself which was the guy. I also lost a friend.

Video

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 10:25:43 -0400

Been there, done that, worn the t-shirt. Never ever again will I...

Mon, 04 Jun 2012 04:30:40 -0400

Been there, done that, worn the t-shirt. Never ever again will I allow someone to control my thoughts but myself!

hope-withinaboggartsoul: (via imgTumble)

Mon, 04 Jun 2012 04:29:32 -0400

hope-withinaboggartsoul:

(via imgTumble)

Real People!

Mon, 04 Jun 2012 04:24:42 -0400

They’re the one’s who tell you like it is without hurting your feelings.

Where to begin. This is all just turning into verbal bitch complain bitch complain. All I have done all weekend is study. I may regret not studying hard enough tomorrow, but that is tomorrow after I write an exam. Its just, there are things which I needed to get off my chest.

Today I had an entire conversation with a friend. He’s an amazingly vibrant, positive person with an amazing outlook on life. We knew each other but magically started talking upon a shared common interest in running and from there, we immediately began to have these deep conversations about life, goals, things to do, dreams and ambitions. Anyways, today we were talking and he is totally the person who is pushing me to peruse my goals, have dreams and drive. He obviously sees some potential and recognized that all I need is a push. I am an intelligent person, I just forget sometimes. I am also somewhat of a chameleon - I tend to blend into the people around me. Every time I talk to him, I just feel so motivated and inspired to change my life for the better (not that its bad right now). Its just, I was in a really bad place for so long. I managed to slowly get out of the funk and focus on what it is that important..myself.

I could tell you stories for days, but in respect to the title of this post, real people, I will share a story of a so called friend who has my best interest at heart. Is she a good friend? Fuck no! First of all, she is the attention seeking whore who needs to constantly have one up on everyone, including me. Maybe this is all in my head, but I highly doubt it. Then, when I needed a friend at an amazingly low point in my life, she decides to cause drama between myself and the guy who broke my heart. Of course, I get stuck in the middle of it. And her response? Well I had your best interest at heart. Bull fucking shit. Not once did she say, “hey lets do this to get your mind off of this breakup,” or “hey how are you doing today?” Instead, she played VICTIM as if I fuckd her over. Long story short, she made up rumours, the ex bf called her out on it and boom, I get stuck in the middle and she tells the whole world he’s trying to kill her and she’s having nightmares about it. She also has no filter and blurted out the rudest things. When I tried to make amends with her (don’t see why I had to but definitely being the bigger person), she didn’t care. Then she attempts to guilt trip me into believing she’s been a great friend and I didn’t notice it. Yeahhhh RIGHT. Good friends catch you when you’re down and don’t make 20 million excuses about how they’re so busy to hang out when they’re clearly having the time of their lives (thanks Facebook and bbm!). Fake little bitch. Do me and this friend talk? Not really. I washed her out just like the other nonsense in my life.

Real people and friends push you and only wish the best for you. Not cause nonsense and then fuck off. Its just unfortunate that some people are just extremely insecure about themselves that they can’t stand or bare to see anyone else happy. Life lessons I’m telling you. Glad I noticed it now rather than later.

Maybe I should follow this advice…

Mon, 04 Jun 2012 03:01:05 -0400

Maybe I should follow this advice…

We are all GREY

Mon, 04 Jun 2012 02:55:32 -0400

Once upon a time, we lived in this amazing world of colour. Where things made sense. Where people had morals, values, principles and something to believe in. People used to make sense. Communication used to be different and people definitely used to be more direct rather than not. Dating used to be different, and it just seemed that it never used to be complicated. Now, all of a sudden, all this technology and non formal communication is ruining our lives. We don’t even know how to talk to each other, share our personal thoughts and have serious conversations. We don’t even know what is crossing the line. There is no “black and white” per se, but rather, everything is some shade of grey.

What IS cheating? See, the definition now varies from person to person. Is a sexy text message cheating?? Is grinding in a club cheating? Is flirting with another person and doing more than just flirt cheating?? See, no one knows. I was talking to a few of my girlfriends and we ended up having this entire debate about cheating. It all started off with grinding up on a guy. One girl said yep, definitely crossing the line, the other said it is not because she grinds up on guys all the time thinking its nothing. But then one of my girlfriends said, intent is completely different between men and women and if you can grind up on a guy and give him a boner, then to her that is cheating because whats the difference between grinding and giving the guy a boner vs giving a hand job? End result is the same thing! Black/white or grey??

From cheating to dating. Is the technology ruining us? I would say so. I’ve basically forgotten how to date. I don’t know how to have serious conversations in real life because I am somewhat afraid of the reaction. I don’t even think people know how to have serious discussions in real life. In fact, I’m as guilty as the next person of this! A few months ago, I went on a few dates with this guy. He called me to talk. I missed his call and ended up texting him back a few hours later saying “sorry I missed your call.” Instead of a “no worries text message back,” I ended up with a rude “you clearly don’t have the common decency to call someone back. I called you and you text me? Whats up with that?”

He was right. What was up with that? I just simply responded “I have the common decency not to call someone back at 11pm on a weeknight!” End of story. Obviously it didn’t work out with him. We wanted different things and he was just really vengeful calling me “bitchy” and what not. Crossing the line? I think so. You don’t call someone bitchy and then DENY it when I call you out on it.

Regardless, maybe this is my own karma?? Let’s see, gorgeous guy, I called him, he texts me back 4 hours later “sorry I missed your call I was sleeping.” Aww, I bet you were sleeping. Serious conversations?? Avoided in real life, avoided in texts, avoided on the phone. He says he likes me but pays no attention to me until we hang out. But then he said he wants to see where this goes but fails to communicate deeper than daily small talk. So really, where do I stand?? In a shade of fucking grey thats where.

WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER WHEN YOU ARE IN A BAD MOOD?

Sun, 03 Jun 2012 21:54:14 -0400

I’m not an angry person so when I am in a bad mood, I like to talk about it with the people who I know will be able to cheer me up. If that doesn’t work then spending time with myself until the funk goes away.

Am I sabotaging myself??

Sun, 03 Jun 2012 21:41:00 -0400

Now this next story I am going to share is just friggin stupid. Like really, why do people cheat?? I’ve been cheated on and it sucks. I wasn’t even upset when it happened to me, just really, really pissed off and had no problem sharing my frustration with him. Basically, he got caught and I called him out on it complete psychobitch style. I never want to be that person ever again…investigative/on edge/untrusting. Now I try and go by “if there is nothing to be suspicious of, then why think there is something wrong.” The only problem with that is I ALWAYS think there is something wrong.

As I’ve mentioned, I’ve had my fair share of relationships. A few serious, but a lot of the guys I have encountered are just guys I’ve had a coffee or dinner or lunch date with, who have shown great interest in me, but me just not be interested in them. Noo, I never go for the nice guys, just the duchebags who leave me confused as ever.

This takes me to a previous boyfriend and someone I’m currently dating you can say. Everyone has a past. Some like to keep theirs secret, while others simply reveal bit at a time things which have happened. Personally, when I am getting to know someone, I’d like to know a few basics, such as, why did the last relationship end? Where are they at now?

My last boyfriend and I fell for each other really quickly. There was a point in the getting to know each other stage where he just blurted and told me everything in his past..previous girlfriends, previous slutty encounters, any sort of fights he got into, wreckless behaviour, drunken encounters, etc. Did I judge him on it? No, not really. I’d say 90percent non judgement and 10percent yes. At the end of the day, everyone makes mistakes and without those mistakes being made, no one learns. Looking back, do I think he learned from his mistakes, probably not. His whole justification of spilling the beans on everything so quickly into our “getting to know each other” was that he said he would rather me hear it from him rather than anyone else. I really do wish him the best of luck finding some woman who will put up with his nonsense like I did. Some call me a pushover, but I just call it love. In contrast, I told him about some random stuff that has happened to me, including in previous relationships and he said he didn’t care or judge. But really, him being the jealous and possessive type that he is, it did matter. It mattered a lot.

This new person on the other hand, so difficult to read. He apparently enjoys it when I pay very little attention to him. I don’t know how to ask questions about his past and nor has he taken an interest in mine. I think its fine because it is no ones business but my own and the important thing is does the past interfere with the present. In my case, the physical entity of my ex boyfriend is nowhere to be seen. But am I somewhat jaded from past experiences?? Absa-fucking-lutely. I am now thinking in my pretty little head, wow, this guy is not even interested in me. He’s paying no attention to me. And really, why is he single still if he’s that great?? All these dumb thoughts are popping up in my head. I can’t figure it out for the life of me. Plus, every time I have now had a conversations about us liking each other, the subject gets changed so fast. Does this guy have a commitment problem? Probably? Maybe? Who knows. The point has now come in my life where I just don’t have time for bullshit. I am not a stupid person but an intelligent human being. Texting me at 8pm saying “heyyy” “whats join on” it not showing you are interested in me. It is showing your entire day went by without me even crossing your thoughts. I don’t think I am being unreasonable? Or do I have high expectations?

Clearly, I go after what I can’t have. I don’t particularly want to read the person but from experiences (and not to compare) but every single guy I have talked to and dated, the first thing that gets out of the way is past relationships. Is this because I date only Indian guys and they’re weird and ask all this stuff?? Anyways, I am not going to think of this anymore.

Food-study-coffee-study-sleep-gym-shower-eat-study!

WTF is going on!

Sun, 03 Jun 2012 21:16:00 -0400

This past weekend has been an epic FAIL. Now, in an attempt not to sound like a complainer, I will simply sum it up into a sentence: Midterms are stressing me out, hurting my back and making me procrastinate. That basically sums it up.

I also need to learn how to get my priorities straight. I did NOT go out on Saturday night, but rather, opted for a quiet night in with my Introduction to Management Textbook. I was really bored but in the end of it all (including today), I have managed to read all but one chapter. I plan on doing the rest after I eat because food right now seems more important than chapter 5 on ethics. My priority definitely should not be dwelling on past relationships, what could have been/should have been, and definitely not giving a shit about people who really don’t give a rats ass about me.

With that being said, this was the prologue to my next post…Am I sabotaging myself??

We constantly need to be reminded...

Thu, 31 May 2012 02:13:28 -0400

Life is not that bad. It could be way worse.

This week has just been super weird, and its only Wednesday. Monday: weird, Tuesday: worse, and today I just feel stressed out. I don’t know how to manage my time and its giving me anxiety…crazy mad anxiety! There’s just not enough time in the day to do everything. And this week, I’ve been in a big funk and don’t really know how to snap out of it. So much school work, so much to do!

Which brings me until about half an hour ago. I read this piece written by an aspiring Yale graduate, Marina Keegan which was entitled “The Opposite of Loneliness.” Tragically, she was killed in a car accident a few days later. It really hit me that here I am bitching and complaining about life, guys, weight, whatever it is that drives us nuts. Her piece was so inspiring. She discusses how its never to late to try and accomplish things and to never give up on our hopes. Her full article can be read on the following link

http://www.yaledailynews.com/news/2012/may/27/keegan-opposite-loneliness/?cross-campus

Its true what she said. Once upon a time, I had dreams, goals and desires. I spent 2011 forgetting about them and focusing my attention on another person. Never again will I do this because not only did I accomplish anything, I didn’t even end up with the guy.

In the end of it all, we really do only have ourselves. Our ultimate destination is life is death. Morbid I know it sounds but really, we are living our lives to the fullest because in the end of it all, we will die. Death is inevitable. All I know is, theres no point in sitting here crying about things anymore but rather make them happen. There’s no point in fearing anything but just do and say whatever. If someone pisses you off, tell them, resolve it and move on. If you like someone, tell them. Fuck the bullshit and the mind games, theres no need for it, nor does anyone have the time for it. We just need to keep reminding ourselves, its our life. Our ONE precious life. We have our own path in life and deserve the ultimate happiness. Time to go live it!

I think someone should charge Rihanna for being so damn hot!! If...

Tue, 29 May 2012 17:11:09 -0400

I think someone should charge Rihanna for being so damn hot!! If only…

Love & Attraction

Tue, 29 May 2012 17:04:36 -0400

I was talking to a girlfriend of mine about dating, love and relationships. One thing to keep in mind before reading this entire thing is we are both single and I for one have been in a few long term relationships which obviously failed..

The most interesting thing that came up in this conversation was the whole concept of attraction. As mentioned, I have had enough relationships/encounters with me/been on many dates in my life to know exactly what she was talking about. I have had fun, a few laughs, heartache, good times, bad times, been in lust, been in love, and been in mad, dangerous love. I know how important initial physical attraction is because really, without it, there is no passion, spark or romance in general. I’m not saying the person in question needs to look as smoking hot as say Bradley Cooper, George Clooney, etc, or for men, Natalie Portman, Jennifer Lopez, Rihanna, Megan Fox to name a few..but the attraction to EACH person, is different for every individual. What I find attractive is going to be different as the person next to me etc. So my friend was saying that she had met this guy and he has an amazing personality and in her head, he probably could give her an amazing life. They shared the same interests, hobbies, likes, dislikes, but she kept saying there is something missing in his looks. I continuously kept telling her to stop being so superficial and you can’t judge a book by its cover speech, but did she listen, nope! I spent the better part of the last 3 weeks trying to convince her that looks fade, your not gonna look this way in 10yrs time/ he might not either. But then she explained it to me in a language I understood really well.

She started telling me that she finds eyes most attractive. Now, for other women, it could be arms, abs, butt, face, smile…whatever it is, there is some feature which is what says “ok this does it for me.” While this guy in question does have ok eyes, she said there is no “passion” in his eyes. The moment she said that, I unfortunately knew exactly what she meant.

I had an ex boyfriend who was good looking. He was not the most attractive person, but to me, his personality along with the way he used to look at me just melted me every single time I saw him. One thing which was just magical was the way he would look at me. Every single time we would meet, up until the day we ended our relationship, his whole face would light up. There was a twinkle in his eye and his smile was unexplainable. It got me every time, and the fact I did not have someone so happy to see me every day, was the hardest thing to get over. Even the days he felt like shit, I STILL saw the spark and passion in his eyes. Well that never worked out so wtf do I actually know!! HA! Anyway, my point being, I dont really know how to explain it but I think attraction plays a huge part. I have met guys who I would consider to be a “10” but then they open their mouths and its like eww REALLY? That came out of your mouth…and that 10 just became like a 3 or a 4.

Are we being superficial? Or are we thinking with our hearts? Or is it our head? Or is it both? As the world’s biggest over thinker, I know for a fact that a person has to win me over…and only then will he get all of me. Body language says it all. For my friend, she just didn’t get that twinkle in his eye she was looking for. I just hope one day, I find the guy who’s face lights up every time he sees me.

Photo

Tue, 29 May 2012 16:52:08 -0400

Can we live without the drama?

Mon, 28 May 2012 12:32:30 -0400

I recently found myself in a weird situation…everything was “fine” and it began to freak me out. One thing you need to understand is, in my life, nothing is ever fine. There have been days, weeks and even months where I have felt everything has been completely normal, in the sense that there is no drama, no nonsense, just normal “boring” life. So then why is it I have found myself bored out of my mind? Is it because life is actually so routine and repetitive that I need these random spurts of drama to spice it up? Or is it that the random nonsense that occurs has become the norm and I don’t know how to function without shit hitting the fan? I mean, I do have more than enough going on…a strict diet and workout regime every morning which I have began to follow, 3 classes (readings, assignments, tests to study for), 22 hours of work a week, and I go out with my friends, hang out with family and go on dates…I plan trips and go on vacations. Everything is great. Or is it? I feel anxious that something is going to happen, because, well, it is my life and something or the other does always happen.

Flashback to my messy break up 8 months ago. I mean, it could have been a normal upsetting break up. But of course, people had to get involved in the middle of it. At that time, I cried myself to sleep every day saying “why is this happening to me?” “Why can’t people just mind their own business?” and lastly, “What did I ever do to deserve to get my heart broken?”

LOL…and then it just stopped because I decided to do something I should have done months ago, which was cut out the crappy losers who have been poisoning my life and mind with negativity. I guess those girls never learned the saying “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I used to be that girl, then I became a mean girl and now I’m somewhere in the middle of it.

But back to my original thought. Can we live a normal life without the drama?? I guess the good, normal and genuine people in my life really do have the best intentions for me, hence why everything is great! Apparently, I don’t know how to live calmly and stress free, thanks to many people and ex boyfriends who have walked in and out of my life the last few years…but with everything, I sure am beginning to learn!

Hey Guys, My name is blah blah and I look like plastic...

Thu, 24 May 2012 19:12:50 -0400

Recently, I came across someone I work with who decided to share a story about how she is going to be getting HEAD TO TOE plastic surgery. I am so passionate about body image that I had to share my thoughts on it.

I ended up having a long winded discussion and debate about why one would want to go through the physical pain and mental ordeal of changing their appearance to the point where they don’t even look like the same person. Granted that as human beings, we are our own worst enemy (trust me, I know I am for sure!); however, at the same time, I can’t help but think, WHY in the world would some one want to look like Barbie?! Who are these people trying to keep up with? Is it really for their own happiness? Is it the media and societal pressure which is playing a big huge mind fuck with the woman’s brain that she feels that she will never be good enough? Or was it a guy…a guy who could have been THE guy telling her she’s too fat, or not big enough boobs, or what?? OR maybe it is just what she is comfortable with. Everyone could use a bit of self improvement, but what the fuck for?? I realized it now…beauty fades…personality is forever. The most physically beautiful people may have the most ugliest personality which theres no point in them being that drop dead hot. Someone who is amazingly hot to me may end up being not so attractive to someone else.

One thing women need to keep in mind is, these skinny celebrities are real people but it is NOT realistic. I have a job, I go to school and I like to go out with friends and spend time in family. I make an honest living and as 99% of the world, I have bills to pay too. I do not have a personal cook or a personal trainer to work out with 5hrs a day. I do not have a make up artist to cover my flaws, nor do I have a stylist to pick out my clothes. I’m as real as they get. I dye my hair myself because I can’t justify $100 to get it dyed by someone and I HAVE tried every diet in the book. Believe me when I say, if we all had hours and hours to spare, with disposable income to spend on mundane shit, we’d ALL look like the women we see on TV/movies/songs/ etc. Would I get plastic surgery? I would get the boobs done after child birth maybe. But then again would I? I personally don’t like the feeling of them so maybe not?

It is all about comfort and really these body image issues are all in each individual’s head. As for the woman getting head to toe surgery, I think she should seek big time therapy. Obviously these issues are coming from somewhere. It’s like when Heidi from The Hill’s got head to toe surgery…everyone and their dogs were critisizing her. Yeah, she looked better, but mentally, does she? And looks better to who?? It’s all personal taste. All I know is, women are constantly bitching and complaining about finding a real, genuine guy. Can someone please explain the logic how can we find real men, when women are fake as ever…fake hair, nails, lips, boobs, whatever…fake.

I could keep writing forever and ever about this issue. For now, I think I have said what I have needed to and very well may speak of this issue at a later date. There are 6 billion people in this world. Imagine if we all looked like plastic….scary right??

Tickets While Walking and Texting?

Thu, 17 May 2012 13:02:33 -0400

Now this is the most ridiculous thing ever. A pedestrian is walking and God forbid, they stop paying attention and bump into another person? How hard can a bump really be? Jaywalking, yes. That is just pure stupidity and these stupid people should be taught a lesson. If they want to issue tickets to people simply walking down the street, not harming anyone or themselves, then I completely disagree. I just think this is yet another money making scheme from the Government. I am very passionate about these things…Its the same with using your phone while driving. A phone conversation should be allowed. Texting should be banned while driving. But I will be ok with the whole no phone unless it is handsfree until they stop eating while driving. Number one, you are sitting on your ass eating a burger or whatever. What if you spill something on youself then distraction distraction while cleaning it up…equally as dangerous as having a phone to an ear no?

Gluten Free the way to Be?

Mon, 07 May 2012 14:46:24 -0400

Let me start off by saying I am soooooo OVER Kim K having her own personal opinion on diets and weight loss and whatever. Firstly, her quick trim product is just a marketing hoax so she can add to her millions of dollars she already has, secondly, yes, she has a hot body, but we all don’t have the luxury of doing nothing with our lives and call it work, in addition to her trainers and nutritionist. Now, the latest thing she has tweeted is she has her body thanks to a gluten free diet!

Now, if Kim K legitimately suffers from ciliax disease (the inability to tolerate gluten) then fine, go right ahead and credit your body to gluten free diet. But then you have Miley Cyrus tweets “”Everyone should try no gluten for a week! The change in your skin, physical and mental health is amazing. You won’t go back!”…geeeeez what the hell does she know?!

Firstly, I feel BAD, sooo bad for anyone who has an intolerance to gluten and can’t eat fabulous things like bread and bagels and 70% of other food cos it all has gluten in it, why would anyone want to go gluten free?

Furthermore, I have watched enough daytime tv and seen these obese overweight women try things like “gluten free” as if it is some miracle cure to lose weight. There is no miracle cure nor is there some magic pill. THEY DONT WORK! The answer, no offence, is exercise and portion control! Stay away from sugar, processed food, soda, chips, sweets and get the body moving! They say to lose 2lbs a week, one should eat 1200 calories a day. Now lets do some simple math: 2lbs x 4 weeks = 8lbs a month. 8lbs x 12 months in a year is 96 whopping pounds! This is healthy and attainable. I am an example of the one who tries these extreme diets, but I have guinea pigged myself to see if they work….they ALL work but its what I keep saying over and over again…lifestyle change. No point in dieting to go back to the fattening 5000 calorie diet you had before..you WILL gain in back!

I think Kim K should shut the fuck up and go back to whatever la la land she lives in cos yeah, we’d all look like that if we had a power house of stylists/make up artists/trainers/nutritionists/ whatever it is she has.

Sleep is Important

Sat, 05 May 2012 21:22:00 -0400

Yeah, its logical but then at the same time, I didn’t realize exactly how important sleep is not only for the way you look but for your mental well being. I’ll give you the perfect example…I have spent countless hours of my life losing sleep…worrying, thinking, DWELLING, whatever you wanna call it. Last week, I told myself that enough of this b/s. Why the hell am I sitting here worrying and making up situations of what coulda/shoulda/woulda been when at the end of it all, the people and situations I am sitting here panicking about aren’t worrying one single bit about me, so why should I bother right? Anyways, its unbelievable how much calmer I have felt (even for an 8am shift this morning). Some people are blessed to have good genes and skin. I on the other hand…one night of bad sleep shows all over my face instantly. No amount of concealer and make up (unless professionally done) will get rid of that! Who knows…but it works. So now its Saturday and I am ready to rock it out tonight. Well rested and ready to start my night!